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Sun, July 7th 9:23 PM
The saddest week I've ever dragged my heart through...
My friend's four year old daughter died.
I quit my job because my boss wasn't going to let me off for the funeral.
All in all, a shitty week. Dan and I have been together 4 years since the fourth of July.
We didn't much feel like celebrating it.
I'm trying to find peace but it will only come in spurts.
I feel so useless. I just want Selena to be alive. Funny, I'm not even concerned with being out of a job. I guess it hasn't hit me yet because I always worry about money. It just seems so trivial right now.
Lots of things do.
Dan and I have tried to do as much as we can to help the family. We made the cd they played at the wake and printed out lots of little pics of Selena for people to take. She was so beautiful.


Selena Christina Garcia 1998-2002

"We shall find peace. We shall hear angels,
we shall see the sky sparkling with diamonds."
-Chekov
 
Current Mood: black

(10 sugarcubes | gimme some sugar)

Sun, June 30th 9:32 AM
Today I'm going to the "swimmin' hole" that India always used to babble about.
I want to see if Carey and her dad wanna go. He's in town and staying w/them. He is just the coolest guy.
Dan got his flight school stuff in the mail and I guess he is seriously considering learning to fly.
Apparently when he goes up to take an official tour, he can opt to go up in a cessna with a flight instructor for around 50 bux. For 10 bux extra, he thinks, we can upgrade to a ever-so-slightly larger cessna and I can go too!
I took Aeronautics I and II in high school on a lark and to piss off my mom, not to mention confound my dad. So if Dan needs help with his homework, he can look up Mr. Bay the Aeronautics teacher in the phone book cuz I don't remember SHIT!
Nothing specific, anyways. G-force, knots, the Machs, the MiGs, how air weight/speed/temp/flow affects flight, shockwaves, drag, are all things I learned about and took tests on but the further you delve into it, the more complicated it gets.
The idea that my boyfriend flying a plane is pretty sexy.

(gimme some sugar)

Fri, June 28th 11:34 PM
I've been a cd-burnin' fool. I love making 'mixtape'-type cd's. Being in my car jamming to a cd I don't have to fast forward through is yummy.
The only thing we have spent our dough on lately is DVD's it seems. We are DVD addicts. It is scary. In the span of 2 weeks we bought 13 ghosts, Mr. Show (seasons 1 and 2), The Negotiator, UHF, The Untouchables (I had never seen it before but it was really good despite starring Kevin Costner), The Joyluck Club (totally awesome), Saving Private Ryan, Requiem for a Dream, and the Neverending Story.
Get us help.
Been really busy lately hanging out with India, Carey, Kim, Jeremy, and squeezing in time to see my mom.
My aunt Jan has cancer and is bald. I haven't seen her but Mom has been visiting her since she found out. She will begin chemo soon.
I am taking a vacation in 2 weeks and counting the minutes till then. Work has been better than usual but I haven't had a week off in the 2 years I have been there and God knows how long before that because I was working at Subway and going to school.
I am run down. I NEED a break.
My sanity depends on it.

(2 sugarcubes | gimme some sugar)

Mon, June 24th 9:41 AM
Attempted molestation!!!!!
I went to hang out with India to celebrate her new "single" status over at Jeff's. It was a fun time until I realized India was hitting on me. Subtley at first then blatantly. Ack! I was wiggin! I escaped her clutches with only a kiss on the cheek, which in other contexts would never bug me. She was holding my hand and stroking my leg and all kinds of weirdo shit that she has never tried to pull with me. I know her and Spring and Holly have that get drunk and fool around habit but I'm very much with Dan and he would NOT be cool with me getting jiggy with anyone but him. I know he'd be upset and so I had to wait till there weren't people everywhere so I didn't embarrass her in front of her new Jeff circle of pals, who seem backstabby and weird, I rejected her as kindly as I could. She was very drunk and very hard to dissuade. I left. She called me in the morning because Lonnie told her that she had been hitting on me ruthlessly and had obviously made me really uncomfortable. She was very upset and couldn't remember all of what she had done. I was kind and left out a lot; she felt bad enough I didn't see the point in making her feel worse. I just didn't want her to think I was grossed out or wouldn't want to be her friend etc. I told her that I felt lucky to be her friend and flattered that she finds me appealing or desireable but I couldn't go down that road with her at this point in my life and that she needn't beat herself up over it. It was awkward but it's over and she knows where I stand.
She says she did it because she just loves me so much. Not that she would want a romantic relationship just a makeout session. She def wants to find the right guy but she really thinks I am a 'spectacular person' and in her drunken logic, thought it might be fun for us to, uh get in on I guess!
It was weird. It's starting to be funny now. I can so see us joking about this by Friday.
It's been forever since I have been hit on by a girl.
Strange.
 
Current Mood: woah!

(gimme some sugar)

Fri, June 14th 11:36 PM
I cleaned and cleaned and cleaned today.
Go ahead and try to find some dirt in my crib, I double dog dare you.

India has broken up with Tim. I am a funky mix of sad/glad. Kim is finally realizing Danny is nuttin but trouble, FINALLY.

Yesterday a baby bird fell out of Caremy's tree. Jeremy kept trying to put it back up and all the other birds in the vincinity skwaked bloody murder at us. The bird fell so many times. He gave up. Carey made him move it to a bush so Christian wouldn't see.
The baby bird is as good as dead w/all the racoons and cats running about. I can't stop thinking about the way it limped and looked at us pathetically, little beak ajar with fear.
It keeps harshing my mellow tonight.
 
Current Mood: bumming for bbird

(3 sugarcubes | gimme some sugar)

Fri, June 14th 11:10 PM
My Godchild


She is sweeter than a chocolate chip cookie dipped in honey.
 
Current Mood: calm

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Thu, June 13th 11:57 AM
i jist got skeered
Dan told me that photoshop7 has a new feature built into it that essentially "calls home" and checks back w/AdobeĀ® when you have the 'net open.
Therefore, if AdobeĀ® catches on to the same registered # a bunch of times it will know there is a pirated copy and it will self destruct or something.
I am set up on a proxy though so I don't know if that makes a difference or not. Mine is still up and running as is Dan's, though he dosen't use his that often and we are always online.
So far so good but for how long????
Grrrrrr.

(2 sugarcubes | gimme some sugar)

Tue, June 11th 12:01 PM
Love
Sometimes I wonder where it all comes from and how it evaporates.
How it can morph into ever-evolving forms. How it sometimes seems obligatory. Like the grudging fondness for a family member that, if they weren't related to you, you probably wouldn't talk to.
Or the love you feel for someone you are dating that can feel so intense and so real and then suddenly you wake up and realize you hate the way they breathe.
I loved my friend Kim until I hated her. Love turned to hate. Not overnight or anything but it happened. She disgusts and repulses me but I have these fond memories of her that form a sticky awkward residue in my confused heart.
Love is supposed to be all-powerful, everlasting. It's not. It's just like water or dirt. It can freeze and shatter and crack and cake up.
I worry about this a lot. I worry about how my love for others will change.
I worry about me being able to give love back a lot more than I worry about whether or not I will be loved enough. I wonder if that is normal.

(2 sugarcubes | gimme some sugar)

Mon, June 10th 8:20 AM
My godchild was born!
at 2:03 last night. I am going up to see her. I'm calling off work; fuck it. Mondays are usually slow anyways.
Carey says she has catty eyes like Jeremy's grandma, Charlotte and a little butt chin and dimples.
It is raining and grey outside which is the kind of weather I like because usually it decreases some of the muginess.
I hate living in this state it's like living in someone's sweaty armpit.
 
Current Mood: woah!

(10 sugarcubes | gimme some sugar)

Sat, June 8th 9:22 PM
things i find sexxy:
chocolate covered fruit

black and white photos

ballgowns

icicles

big belly laughs

anyone who can paint

sculpture

fleece

hot apple cider or hot cocoa

stringy hair

empathy

someone who sings me to sleep

i am hornyhorny. Dan won't gimme no luvin cuz I didn't get my bcp yet. bcp make you gain weight and cause hyperpigmentation in the skin. I want a diaphram. Or something with less ugly side effex. I bought some contraceptive jelly but he dosen't like the 5% chance that we can procreate. So I'm sexually frustrated.
should I buy a dildo?
I have friends that swear by it.
My own personal light saber, so to speak.
 
Current Mood: wanton

(1 sugarcube | gimme some sugar)

Thu, May 30th 8:03 AM

If you were a superhero what would your power be?

What would mine be?

what was the last thing you spent $ on?

(gimme some sugar)

Sun, May 26th 10:04 PM
nothing to see here
'Clones was about what I expected. Cept for that part where Yoda whups some ass. Woah!
I paid for my dad and brother, which felt really good. Mom stayed home sick. I think going from our weather to the damp cold weather in Ireland and then back again did her in.
Plus she's never been into Star Wars like the rest of us.

I keep getting depressed that I can't quit smoking. I quit cold turkey for 2 years in 1996. And even before that, when I used to smoke I only smoked socially. Now I smoke in the car, and at home in front of my pc. I hate it alot. I *have* quit smoking at work. I can get thru that now w/o a smoke break. Unless Carrie comes up and asks me to go smoke with her. But that dosen't happen too often as we are both busy and don't usually get long breaks together.
Anyway I never should have picked it back up again. I'm bad.

Carey is due to give birth any day now. I am the only one they are going to call when it's time and I have been instructed NOT to call any of their family/friends b/c last time was a big disaster and they just want some time alone w/the new baby. I find it amusing that they trust me more than anyone else. Even her sister. Who is gonna be pissed if she ever finds out so we will have to make sure she doesen't find out.

Mr. Show the complete 1st and 2nd seasons are going to be available at amazon.com soon. Yaaaay!
 
Current Mood: aggravated

(gimme some sugar)

Sun, May 26th 3:49 PM
Joining the rest of America
...Going to see 'Attack of the Clones' now and watch Annakin drift to the dark side of the force.

I hope:
it's better than 'Phantom Menace'
jar jar dies
Yoda has lots of screentime
it has some twists

but I know it'll never top the first trilogy. That shit had heart, yo.

I'm dumb, I know.
 
Current Mood: dorky

(gimme some sugar)

Sun, May 26th 4:23 AM
Someday I'll flyyyy awayyy

Escape!Collapse )

 
Current Mood: voyeuristic

(2 sugarcubes | gimme some sugar)

Wed, May 22nd 1:37 AM
Mem'ries
Prom.

I remember I didn't want to go.
I told this guy I would only go if he could score some acid cuz that's the only way prom would be a good time for me. He did and I am tripping hard in this pic.
What a rapscallion I was.

(11 sugarcubes | gimme some sugar)

Tue, May 21st 11:11 PM
right now i am:
going through all of our album and mp3 cd's and saving a bunch to my d drive so I can have a music library to play at any whim. I just got new speakers and a sub. :)

I also have to send Dan's family the rest of his sister's wedding pix that I sent them.

And send my friend pix I took of her son when I baby sat him.

I'm organizing my faveorites b/c they are getting unruly. I think I make anything that strikes my fancy a faveorite b/c some of this stuff I have only seen once.

Also re-organizing my picture files and burning backups.

I'm in an organizing mood.

(gimme some sugar)

Mon, May 20th 3:14 PM
lordy


This----well...... words just escape me.

 
Current Mood: haha!

(2 sugarcubes | gimme some sugar)

Mon, May 20th 12:10 AM
Mostly my passionate hate of crappy group dances but other stupid crap as well
I am seriously considering building a little screenhouse onto our deck.
Mosquitoes suck but the night air of summer tempts me.

My best conversations always seem to happen at night on someone's porch or deck. I don't know if it's because of the moon or the night air or the crickets or the interesting distractions of cars/people/barking dogs/etc., but I always pay a heavy price for it once the mosquitoes start to make their appearence. I have big issues with anything itchy.
My grandparents used to have a little screenhouse on their property and I have billions of great memories in there. I am not ambitious enough to build something that big but I already have a deck, so I figure I'm halfway there.

This weekend Dan's little sis got married.
I was a bridesmaid for the second time in my life and this year as well.
It was less fun than the other wedding but a lot more fun than I thought it would be. Except for the music.
Oh my goodness the music was so bad.
You know those "group" dance songs that people learn to look "cool" in clubs so they don't have to worry about their lack of rythmn or are afraid of self expression or what the hell ever?
the longest bashing of group dances you will ever read and also some non related stuff(proceed with caution)Collapse )
 
Current Mood: couldn't find it

(4 sugarcubes | gimme some sugar)

Fri, May 17th 7:53 AM
Horny emails and other shennanigans
Does
everybody
get 40 out of 43 junk emails in their box that are connected to some form of smut?
I mean I'm no smut nazi or anything. Smut has it's time and place, I suppose but I am sick of it piling up in big bunghole smelling piles in my junk box.
I filter my mail but others find me. I would just get a new email but I'm so comfy with my friends list and set up and yadda yadda. It all boils down to laziness.

I have made a resolution not to be so lazy. Starting tomorrow.

I have some neato pix that I want to post here or in stylized or here and in stylized.

I had a big ultrasound girlie adventure that I shall write about later because I have to get ready for work. But I wish I didn't. I would really like to have more time to read some of your journal's.

Especially the witty and wonderful, anabug
the Warm hearted and mighty sexy tequilla swilling, bohemianqueen
the eclectically and eccentrically lovely, dieinwinter
And of course the talented and terrific and charmingly neurotic bjorkdoll

I'll be back to read about you and others. Oh yes. I will.
 
Current Mood: want more geekout time

(5 sugarcubes | gimme some sugar)

Fri, May 10th 9:31 PM
Fashion show
Jodi sucks. We didn't go to the fashion show because she had our tix and shit got screwed up and anyway we aren't going. That sucky suck, Jodi.
Actually it's not all Jodi's fault but hey, ya gotta put the blame *somewhere*.
 
Current Mood: settle down beavis

(gimme some sugar)

Current 20 entries


read about me **   read about others **   calander **   sift through my sordid past**   current entries**